Hmmm

I have come to realize that I'm not a "go out and fuck random girls" kind of guy. I am, and probably will always be a relationship guy. The reason that sucks so much is, I am nowhere near ready to be in one. I wish I could just hold a girl and not run the risk of falling head over heels, I'm afraid this will happen, but I've been longing for a woman's touch, not in a sexual way, just to be so close to someone that they fit perfectly in your arms and everything seems like it is going to be okay. I love women, not in a "I wanna bang everything that has tits and a pussy" way, but in a "I want to hold her and listen to her story" kind of way. I love the female form, every curve, every inch of soft skin, and the way their hair tickles when it brushes against your skin. I miss that terribly. I wish girls wouldn't care, I wish I wouldn't come off as a creep for saying all of this. I wish I didn't come off as a pussy for saying/meaning all of this. I want to stay up and watch the sunrise with someone, I want to sit with her and watch the world turn, we wouldn't even need to talk, just being with her would make us invincible. I want to find that girl for me, I thought I had it, but it didn't work out. Maybe life is going to be full of those relationships, however bad they end, you can still remember the times you stayed up so late that you propose, and she says yes. The times you sit lakeside on a miserable winter day, staring at the frozen lake, and as long as she is by your side, everything is fine. Friends, I had a person who was my other half, but when you both change, sometimes you don't fit together anymore. That, that is life, and it took me four months to realize it. The relationship should have ended long before it did. I think that I am finally at peace with it's end. Soon I will try and find a new person who "completes me." As sappy and bullshit that saying is, it is what I am looking for. Hopefully I find that girl soon.

Bryan Fielder is going to be ok.

Nothing New

Nothing of Importance to post. I'm still depressed, still hung up on some girl, still out of shape, still have no confidence, still to lazy to chance that. I suck

Father's Day

It's been two years. I put on a front, but inside I am devastated. This day will never be the same.

Time to get all Bro-Core...

In all honesty, the last three or four years of my life have been rough. I would even say that it just sucked for a lot of it. Everything from big things like losing my father, to small minuscule things like being unemployed. Life has not been great. The redeeming quality is my friends. I know everyone thinks it, but I have the best friends ever. Period. Some Ive had for sixteen years, some less than two. I would take a bullet for a select few, but anyone who considers me a friend, I hold in my heart. If I didn't have friends, I wouldn't have anything. They have helped me through everything, and with them, I can get through anything. As long as they are by my side, I'm invincible.

I guess this is growing up

Today I sold a couple of instruments that I don't play anymore. Instead of wasting the money I am putting it in the bank, and I didn't really spent money today. It is really weird, I'm not the type to be responsible. I guess I should get used to it. Fuck growing up sucks. I miss not having a care in the world...

Soo...

I have a job interview tomorrow. I hope my new outlook on life will help me. It could blow up in my face considering said outlook is not caring. I plan to look nice, but I'm keeping my stubbly growing chops. I shaved everywhere else, I just want the sideburns more than I want this job. Getting back to my new "lease on life." I have virtually stopped caring. If your not going to like me because I hang out with someone you don't like, or what I look like, then fuck off. I'm done caring about what people think of me. Fuck that. I'm still gonna be a "nice guy," but I'm not gonna put up with any bullshit like I used to. Hopefully I will be more happy.