Monday, January 17, 2011
I always do this. I can't sleep, so I put on a movie that I know makes me sad. Why? Why the fuck do I do this to myself? I just want to be happy. That's all. Is that really so much to ask? Is it stupid to ask that question? Am I stupid for wanting happiness? Why do I desperately want to be in love again? I know I'll just end up breaking another heart along with mine. Is it really worth it? Do I really want to put myself through it all again? Yes. It is worth it. I want it more than anything. I'm afraid I won't find it again. I know there are billions of people out there. Maybe I should move away. Start over in a new place. Maybe I'll be happy then. I don't have the guts. I wish somebody would steal me away. Wouldn't that be nice.
Monday, January 3, 2011
I met up with my ex-girlfriend tonight after work. We finally had our talk. For nine months I have been hung up on her, because we never got to say goodbye, it was just over. So we arranged to meet. At first it was just to see if we could be friends. We had an awkward meal, that we both didn’t eat. Then we sat in her car and talked for hours. I fell back in love with her. Then we started to really talk. I cried for about an hour. We said goodbye, and I asked her for one last kiss. She wouldn’t give me one. She then started to cry. I wanted to hold her, but she pushed me away. She was crying over her recent ex-boyfriend. I was crushed. I felt just like I did nine months ago. Here I was, finally saying goodbye, and she took it away again. I was a furious empty shell of a man. Instead of leaving, I told her about it, I told her how I felt. Then we both said our teary eyed goodbyes, and we kissed. I will never forget her. I can finally move on now. It took falling in love, getting heartbroken, and finally saying goodbye to get to this point. It's been an emotionally draining five hours, I think I'll go to sleep now.